When Surrogates are Used for Mega Profit~Protecting Yourself from a "Next Time" Crime

In light of what has happened with the Theresa Erickson case and the alleged "baby selling ring" I feel compelled to write something. Yes it was all very shocking and others have written long and eloquent blog posts. You can read two of them here; first from The Stirrup Queen and then take a look at the Fertility Advocate. You can see from the comments that this is a super hot topic.

But what I want to focus on here, in my post, are the surrogates. I was a surrogate twice. How would I feel if I had inadvertently fallen for a scheme like this? Sick, worried, tainted, used....the list goes on. Then I might start questioning all of my instincts and wonder how my gift of helping intended parents ended up in a scam that allowed other people to make huge amounts of money...by selling the baby 'I' carried! A real felony where lawyers (and others) lose their licenses to practice and face time in prison.

How can we trust those out there matching women who want to be surrogates with Intended Parents now? Just between you and me...here are my thoughts from the heart.

First of all this crime is not the norm! It's like an airplane crash that hits the news and shocks the nation....this story is everywhere we turn but the reality is that this kind of plot is so rare that of course it will seem larger then life. The majority of professionals within the Third Party Family Building arena are honest, trustworthy, dedicated and ethical. I have been in this field for over a decade and have worked with a lot of attorneys, agency's, clinics and mental health professionals and never have I heard of a scheme like this happening in the USA.

Second, when you are looking to become a surrogate know the facts about the process. Don't rush in blindly! If you know what the average fee is then your radar will certainly go up once you hear of something that sounds too good to be true!
                                                     
- $38,000 to $45,000 base fee is too high for a first time surrogate. It would be unusual for a 2nd time surrogate as well.

-Not meeting your IP's before your transfer is very unusual. Or, in the case of international/out of state couples there are often phone calls and e-mails. A bond is formed that way and soon after the transfer you should expect to meet them in person. If you are uncomfortable then insist on a meeting before the transfer!

-Traveling to another country to become pregnant is not usually expected. If the embryos are not FDA approved (due to testing before freezing) then IP's will have to start over here with egg retrieval's and required testing.

-Asking a surrogate to stay out of the country until the second trimester is certainly a crazy notion especially when surrogates have their own families to take care of here at home.

-Not having a psychological evaluation is unheard of and should be insisted upon.

These are just a few of the red flags that the surrogates in this case should have been aware of. And I believe, in some cases, were ignored.

My final point is that we need to educate ourselves on the tried and true surrogacy guidelines and not sweep crimes like this 'Surrogacy Scandal'  under the rug but rather learn from it. We can ask educated questions of those we chose to work with, and continue to trust in our own judgment. Surrogacy is a beautiful gift. Lets not allow it to be tainted by a few bad apples.




Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.
http://infertilityanswers.org/
LaMothe Services, LLC
http://lamotheservices.com/
LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting
http://lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com/

Mistake Number Fourteen of the Top 14 Mistakes Not to Make for Traditional Surrogates and Gestational Carriers: Thinking That the Surrogacy Process will be Fast and Easy

Here we are, Finally! Number 14 is a mistake that all surrogates/carriers tend to make at one time or the other. (This should include Intended Parents.) The Surrogacy process is full of hoops to jump through and often takes well over a year to complete and that is if all goes well with the first IVF attempt. Read below for some of the most common misconceptions. Your thoughts and comments are always welcomed!

Mistake #14-Thinking that the surrogacy process will be fast and easy

This is one of the most common phrases that I hear day in and day out from women who would like to be surrogates or carriers.
" I get pregnant just by my husband looking at me"

" I just think about wanting a baby and the next thing I know, I'm pregnant"

"I have never had any morning sickness and am so happy being pregnant"

Needless to say there is SO much more involved to surrogacy that I can't fit it all into this one post. Here is a run down...you can hum it to the tune of Row Row Row Your Boat! (Just joking)

*You must find a match with like minded Intended Parents

*You have to pass all of the Intended Parents clinics' medical and mental health evalution requirements such as age, BMI, physical health, and be mentally and emotionally prepared (to name a few)

*You must have a legal contract in place

*IUI's must take place at a certain time in your cycle

*It may take several months of IUI before pregnancy (if you get pregnant at all)

*For IVF You must cycle with your Intended Mother or the Egg Donor

*You will have to take medications (shots, pills, suppositories)

*You will have to have an embryo transfer

*You may not get pregnant the first time

*You may have to go through 2 or 3 embryo transfers

*You may never get pregnant with this method, this RE or this clinic

*IF you do get pregnant you will be with your clinic 10-12 weeks

*You have the rest of your pregnancy to go through before you give birth to a baby or babies that will hopefully be close to term.

You see...its not an easy thing which is why YOU are needed...why YOU are special because WHO ELSE but YOU would go through all of THIS for someone else?

This is the end of the Top 14 Mistakes however if you have something to add I would love to hear from you. Please contact me at SurroMatchFL@aol.com or comment under the post!




Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Mistake Number Thirteen of the Top 14 Mistakes Not to Make for Traditional Surrogates and Gestational Carriers: Not Visiting a Psychologist if Relationship Problems Arise

Mistake 13-Not visiting a psychologist if relationship problems arise


Why you NEED to do this: Hopefully you and your Intended Parents have already had a visit with a Mental Health Professional. It is so important to establish a relationship with someone who can support you emotionally when you are going into a surrogacy arrangement especially when you are going Independent...with out the help of an agency.

In every relationship misunderstandings happen and problems arise. Some are small and annoying while others can be shocking and perhaps alarming. When this happens you need to have someone to talk to. A third party that can see the entire issue, not be emotionally involved themselves and give good solid advice. When there is a failure to communicate then problems can swiftly spiral out of control and the next thing you know you might be thinking these people aren't worthy of having a baby! That kind of thinking is one of many warning signs that prove you need to have someone step in and help assess the situation no matter what it may be.



Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Mistake Number Twelve of the Top 14 Mistakes not to Make as a Surrogate or Gestational Carrier: Thinking That it is OK to Use Federal or State Funded Medical Insurance for a Surrogacy Pregnancy

**Check out New Life for Insurance Policies that can cover a surrogacy pregnancy.

Mistake #12- Thinking that it's OK to use federal or state funded medical insurance for a surrogate pregnancy

Why you should NOT do this: I think this is pretty obvious. It is simply illegal to use a federally or state funded insurance to pay for the prenatal care and/or birth in a surrogacy situation. If you do not have maternity coverage in place then you can have your Intended Parents pay for a policy. This may mean that you have to accept less compensation but that is only fair as a policy can cost over $4,000.00+


I would like to add that If you have a policy that has a surrogacy exclusion and try to use it anyway and your insurance company finds out you could be dropped from your policy. You would be ineligible for Insurance benefits and maybe hard to get covered anywhere again. Consider your own future when offering to be a surrogate. Don't get in trouble trying to do a 'good deed'. It's not worth it in the long run!





Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Mistake Number Eleven of the Top 14 Mistakes Not to Make for Traditional Surrogates and Gestational Carriers: Staying with Intended Parents for more than a week in their own home

Three more 'mistakes' to go and I am sure I could have mentioned twenty! Read on and see if you agree with my assessment of number eleven!

Mistake #11-Staying with Intended Parents for more than a week in their own home

I know of several people who have stayed with their IPs in their home for a few days or even a week with no ill effects . I have heard of others who were 'stuck' there for three weeks or more and it did nothing good for the relationship.

A few days stay is nice especially if you need to rest after a transfer or you are down to their place for a short visit or maybe an ultrasound, however, once you stay longer you may notice little things that can be irritating like being waited on hand and foot....or not! People (IP's) scrutinizing what you eat or drink, sleeping habits, how long you are on the computer, the fact that you don't exercise or over exercise, that you are addicted to watching A Baby Story or the soaps. Whatever the case you are living under a magnifying glass whether you want to admit it or not. Their family and friends pop by to meet you...and lets face it, as nice that is you have to be 'on' all the time.

You, as a surrogate, will also notice things...how your IP's interact with each other, how they baby their dog, the fact that their home is decorated in white and chrome and the baby proofing has NOT been done. (Are these people ready to be parents?)

This constant critical assessment can cause nothing but stress. You need your own place. If you must travel for the birth for instance, see if you can stay in a micro-hotel near by that might offer a kitchenette and a sofa. (Perhaps your own family can visit you if you have your own space.) Make sure that you can arrange some down time where you get plenty of rest. You can enjoy your time together but you will appreciate your time apart!




Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Number Ten of the Top 14 Mistakes to Avoid by Surrogates and Carriers: Cutting out benefits such as lost wages, maternity clothing allowance, C-section reimbursements and child care

Mistake #10-Cutting out benefits such as lost wages, maternity clothing allowance, c-section reimbursements and child care, etc. (because you don't think you will ever need them)


Why you should insist on these reimbursements and 'benefits': There is a lesson to be learned here. I learned it the hard way and so have others. Why make the same mistake yourself? During my first surrogacy I made the mistake of leaving out coverage in case of a C-section. I had never had one before and didn't plan on needing one for a surrogacy. I ended up pregnant with twins and having an emergency C-section and although my IP's took very good care of me I was not financially compensated for the extra time it took for me to recover.

Perhaps you just had a baby of your own within the last couple of years and still have your maternity clothing. You may think you don't need anything else and therefore waive the allowance in order to save your IP's money. Admirable of you, however, I can guarantee that you didn't save your bras and underwear...or that you can't guess if you will be pregnant during the same seasons you were with your own baby. Perhaps you work outside the home now and need work clothes or you may be pregnant during the holidays. Keep all of these things in mind when you are thinking about what most pregnant women need during the pregnancy and why. Don't leave out the possibility that you could be pregnant with twins and may not fit after 5 months into your 'old' maternity clothes!

As for child care and other reimbursements...put them in your contract. Even if you don't need them they will be available in the off chance that something happens where you might be on bed rest for 10 weeks and need some housekeeping or lost wages. Never assume that a surrogacy is going to be easy and trouble free....plan for every possibility!
 
 
Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Number Nine of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Going without term Life Insurance of at least $250,000

Simply put, making mistake number nine will not make or break a surrogacy arrangement but it does show care and respect for the greatest gift involved, the surrogate and her family, for even considering taking the risk of child birth for someone else.

Mistake Number Nine: Going without term Life Insurance of at least $250,000

Very simply...You are worth more then $250,000. You are priceless....however, many people simply skip the step that costs approximately $300.00 for a term Life Insurance Policy per year and the piece of mind that comes with it. Your husband or children are named as beneficiaries should something catastrophic happen to you during the surrogacy arrangement. I have yet to hear of any woman dying during a surrogacy pregnancy or birth but some have come close. Protect your family and insist on a policy that will help fill the financial hole that will be left behind should anything happen to you. You are irreplaceable as a wife and a mother but a life insurance policy can go a long way to making life a tiny bit easier for your loved ones should anything happen to you.


Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Number Eight of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Agreeing to do at home inseminations (IUI)

Here we are at mistake number eight which only applies to Traditional Surrogates. I want to point out that IUI (Intrauterine Inseminations) are not that costly and doing these at 'home' really isn't worth the risk!

Mistake Number Eight: Agreeing to do at home inseminations (IUI)

Why you should insist doing Intrauterine Inseminations at a medical facility: One of the first concerns I have when I hear that a Traditional Surrogate is planning on doing IUI without a Dr's guidance is the possibility of STD's or HIV. Some of the other questions pop into my head regarding a situation like this are: Is there a contract in place? Are medications being taken? Was a psychological screening done? In other words, what 'short cuts' have been taken? Having a medical doctor involved can also make this part of a surrogacy so much more successful. A surrogate can be monitored and, under the clinic's care, the right time in a cycle would be chosen to proceed with the IUI. Medications may be prescribed to allow for more follicles to mature.

There is also the emotional and mental aspect of being a Traditional Surrogate and being treated by a Dr. rather then the Intended Parents themselves. It helps with the separation to go through the clinical steps.

Don't try and save your IP's a few dollars while putting yourself at risk. Make sure that you have every i dotted and your t's crossed before you agree to ANY medical procedure.



Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Number Seven of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Not insisting that the IP's have at least one visit with a psychologist

We are at the halfway point of 14 Mistakes to Avoid For Women Considering Becoming Surrogate Mothers or Gestational Carriers! Thank you for all of your comments. I love receiving your personal messages as well as those on Facebook and elsewhere...I will try to touch on all of the concerns as we go though these 'mistakes'! Here is #7! 

Mistake #7-Not insisting that the IP's have at least one visit with a psychologist who is recommended by the clinic


Why you should insist: As most of us are aware, surrogates, carriers and egg donors are psychologically screened as a standard of practice here in the United States. But less often do you hear of Intended Parents being required to seek out a mental health professional before they proceed with their third party family building plans. (They will have to in WA state when the new surrogacy laws pass though!) This is a disservice to the Intended Parents as well as their surrogate, you.


In my utopia world, all parties, the surrogate/carrier, her partner and the Intended Parents would all have at least one session together lead by a mental health professional well versed in reproductive technology, surrogacy and the loss of fertility. Everyone would be open and honest about their feelings and intentions and even the hardest issues would be explored. All within the 55 minute time frame.


As that is unlikely to happen, at least not in most cases, I believe that Intended Parents should seek out a psychologist or mental health professional (one that perhaps their clinic could recommend) and make an appointment. This is one more step that will be sure to bring you, as the surrogate, and your IP's closer. One more building block to a happy relationship as you explore this journey called Surrogacy. Intended Parents can really open up and talk about their fears, concerns and issues knowing that this councilor is trained to guide them through their questions and offer answers and support. Just as a surrogate must, Intended Parents need to be really sure that this is the route they want to take in building their family. They can also be reassured that they are on the same page as their partner and if there are issues that need more time, then the signing of contracts can wait until they are totally sure. Much better finding out at this point then after a successful transfer, don't you think?

Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Number Six of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Not insisting that all compensation per the contract be deposited into an escrow account before the first transfer

We are already on Mistake #6 of the 14 Mistakes to Avoid For Women Considering Becoming Surrogate Mothers or Gestational Carriers! I hope that I have some Intended Parents reading these too! Truly IP's should see the benefits to them as well as their Surrogate or Gestational Carrier.




Mistake #6-Not insisting that all compensation per the contract be deposited into an escrow account before the first transfer

Why you should insist: There is a lot of money involved in a surrogacy arrangement and only a portion is earmarked for the surrogate. I know when I told my mother the first time in 1998 that I was going to be a Gestational Carrier she asked if I were getting $100,000! That was the only amount SHE would consider doing 'such a far out' thing for!

Needless to say, Surrogates and Carriers do not get that kind of money for this priceless service! A first time surrogate can be compensated from between $16k to $22k more or less depending on Insurance and Multiples. Still that money isn't given up front. The usual arrangement is monthly installments while pregnant to support the pregnant surrogate. There is maternity clothing to be purchased, and child care to pay for and perhaps lost wages and housekeeping to be reimbursed. Where is all of this money coming from?

The Intended Parents of course! Some may insist on paying it out of their own pocket on a monthly basis but how reliable is that? What if there is an accident and they can't write a check? What if the IP's are on vacation? What if the funds are 'lost in the mail' or late for some reason? What does that lack of timely payment do to a surrogacy relationship? Well, I can tell you, it's not pretty!

On the other side of this coin, surrogates need to be reimbursed for several things during her pregnancy. She may have over the counter medication receipts, co-pays for office visits, or is due some gas reimbursements and every time she asks her IPs for something 'extra' they feel nickeled and dimed to death even though these items are reimbursable as stated in the contract.

Avoid all of these hard feeling and the need to mix money and babies by depositing the surrogate compensation with a reliable escrow agent! Someone else will manage the payments. If something happens to the IP's the surrogate will still be compensated. She needn't go to her IP's for every little receipt she has and when they do talk it can be about the growing baby! So much better for everyone involved!



Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Number Five of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Being 'talked into' agreeing to issues that are fundamentally against your personal ethics/religion or life style

This happens more then we would like to think...we make compromises even after we research the issues. Really think about what you are agreeing to! It can make all the difference in your relationship!

Mistake #5: Being 'talked into' agreeing to issues that are fundamentally against your personal ethics/religion or life style i.e. abortion, selective reduction, working with IP's that you don't feel comfortable with, etc.

What you have to be careful about: When the excitement of meeting new Intended Parents,"clicking" with them and heading toward the possibility of signing your contract overrides your personal ethics, a step back needs to be taken! I have talked with many a surrogate who don't believe in aborting a Downs Syndrome child, for instance. Yet the Intended Parents want the Downs testing done. Does that mean that they will ask her to abort if the tests come back positive? Who knows. But if she would never abort no matter what then she needs to make sure her IP's know that. Although the baby belongs to the Intended Parents it is the Surrogates body...and no one can make her abort anything at anytime. As a matter of fact, no one can make her carry the baby either. Row vs Wade is alive and well in the Surrogacy World.

The lesson here is that Intended Parents and Surrogates need to be on the same page with all of these ethical, legal and religious issues. Communication is key! Don't try to please your 'perfect but for' Intended Parents....Don't rush into a situation just because you have been waiting so long to be matched or this is the first couple that has come to you...take time to think of what you want and then go from there.
 
 
Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Numbers Three and Four of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Using an 'old' or past contract and Not having your own legal representation when reviewing your surrogacy contract

We are on number 3 and 4 with our 14 Mistakes to Avoid For Women Considering Becoming Surrogate Mothers or Gestational Carriers. These two go together very well and end up to be one of the more common mistakes. All in the name of 'saving money'!

Mistake #3 and #4-Using an 'old' or past contract and Not having your own legal representation when reviewing your surrogacy contract.

Why you should have a new contract drawn up and insist that you have your own attorney: If you have your old contract then that tells me you have been a surrogate in the past or at least were in a surrogacy arrangement. It's great that you like and feel comfortable with what you have agreed upon in your old contract however circumstances have changed! You have new Intended Parents. They may reside in another state, they certainly have different contact information and they have different needs. People use old contracts to save money but most times it just doesn't work out that way! More money is spent when one finds out that not all of the IP's wishes are covered or something you might need could have been overlooked in the rush to have something to sign and get ready for that all important (and expensive) transfer. This goes hand in hand with GET AN ATTORNEY! One for each party involved. Someone who KNOWS reproductive law. (Not your brother-in-law who is a divorce attorney or their cousin who is a death row lawyer!)

If you liked your old contract so much, supply a copy to your new attorney and he or she can add in your wishes/requirements and all that will then be explained to your new Intended Parents by their OWN lawyer! This is a must to ensure that everyone is on the same page. A surrogate must have their own representation to avoid conflict of interest. Trust me, the cost to your IP's for you to have your own attorney is much less then if YOU have to hire your own attorney because of a dispute in the contract after you are pregnant!
 
Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Number Two of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Not having a face to face meeting before any contracts are signed

On ward with our 14 Mistakes to Avoid For Women Considering Becoming Surrogate Mothers or Gestational Carriers.

Mistake #2-Not having a face to face meeting before any contracts are signed

Why you need to have a face to face meeting: Yes people do live far a part (even overseas) at times and traveling can be tough but that is no excuse to ignore the need to meet your Intended Parents face to face before you sign a contract and agree to carry a baby for them. These are the people that you are going to have a long term relationship with. Would you ever consider becoming a mail order bride? I think not! Then don't put yourself in the position of not meeting your Intended Parents until you are at your transfer or, heaven forbid, pregnant.

We all know that a phone call, e-mail, and, yes, even Skype can help a long distance relationship thrive but consider all you notice when you actually see someone in person! How they present themselves, what their handshake feels like, what their mannerisms are like, how you react to them and how they react to you. Chemistry can make or break a relationship and as we are all well aware!

Remember you are never a little bit pregnant and regrets after the fact do not make for an enjoyable surrogacy journey!
 
Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Number One of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Giving out personal information

Recently I posted 14 Mistakes to Avoid For Women Considering Becoming Surrogate Mothers or Gestational Carriers. I have had quite a few questions and suggestions. Over the next few days I will be going through each "mistake" and explaining the reason why it made the top 14!

Your comments, as always, are welcome! And if you don't want to miss any of these posts, please subscribe!

Mistake Number 1-Giving out personal information, especially before a contract is signed, such as social security numbers and release of medical information to anyone but the attorney, psychologist or clinic.

Why you shouldn't do this: As we are all aware, there are scams being run on both sides of the fence these days. Who's to say that someone pretending to be an Intended Parent is just looking for an easy mark for identity theft! You need to protect yourself and your family. You may be eager to get yourself matched and on the way to a contract but please don't give out your personal information to just anyone. Your Intended Parents don't need to know your Social Security Number. The clinic is the one that needs to see your medical records. If you worked with a psychologist in the past then have those records sent from your old Dr. to your new one. The message here is to be aware of who you are trusting and how much you know about them. Don't risk your identity for anyone!
 
Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

14 Mistakes to Avoid For Women Considering Becoming Surrogate Mothers or Gestational Carriers

If you are a woman who wants to be a gestational carrier or traditional surrogate independently, without the help of an agency, then you need to really consider what you are getting yourself into. Surrogacy is a life changing endeavour and as great as it sounds in theory, in practice it's a huge undertaking. Financially, the surrogacy process sets back most Intended Parents anywhere from $65,000-$100,000+ and that amount does not come with a guarantee of a take home baby. Looking into 'independent' surrogacy situations is most common among those who are finding it difficult to raise the full amount of funds needed and therefore will consider cutting corners. Women who are compelled to help couples and individuals sometimes find themselves compromising themselves out of the goodness of their hearts. Below are 14 common mistakes to avoid. Its so important to be true to own ideals...that is one of the best gifts you can give to your Intended Parent(s) and to yourself!


14 Mistakes to Avoid For Women Considering Becoming Surrogate Mothers or Gestational Carriers

1-Giving out personal information, especially before a contract is signed, such as social security numbers and release of medical information to anyone but the attorney, psychologist or clinic.


2-Not having a face to face meeting before any contracts are signed


3-Using an 'old' or past contract
4-Not having your own legal representation when reviewing your surrogacy contract


5-Being 'talked into' agreeing to issues that are fundamentally against your personal ethics/religion or life style i.e. abortion, selective reduction, working with IP's that you don't feel comfortable with, etc.


6-Not insisting that all compensation per the contract be deposited into an escrow account before the first transfer
7-Not insisting that the IP's have at least one visit with a psychologist who is recommended by the clinic
8-Agreeing to at home inseminations (IUI)


9-Going without term Life Insurance of at least $250,000 (or any insurance policy for that matter).


10-Cutting out benefits such as lost wages, maternity clothing allowance, c-section reimbursements and child care, etc. because you don't think you will ever need them
11-Staying with Intended Parents for more than a week in their own home


12- Thinking that it's OK to use federal or state funded medical insurance for a surrogate pregnancy


13-Not visiting a psychologist if relationship problems arise

14-Thinking that the surrogacy process will be fast and easy

Remember to subscribe to The Third Party so that you won't miss any of the posts that answer the question WHY should we avoid these surrogacy issues....you may be suprised!

Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.