Mistake Number Eleven of the Top 14 Mistakes Not to Make for Traditional Surrogates and Gestational Carriers: Staying with Intended Parents for more than a week in their own home

Three more 'mistakes' to go and I am sure I could have mentioned twenty! Read on and see if you agree with my assessment of number eleven!

Mistake #11-Staying with Intended Parents for more than a week in their own home

I know of several people who have stayed with their IPs in their home for a few days or even a week with no ill effects . I have heard of others who were 'stuck' there for three weeks or more and it did nothing good for the relationship.

A few days stay is nice especially if you need to rest after a transfer or you are down to their place for a short visit or maybe an ultrasound, however, once you stay longer you may notice little things that can be irritating like being waited on hand and foot....or not! People (IP's) scrutinizing what you eat or drink, sleeping habits, how long you are on the computer, the fact that you don't exercise or over exercise, that you are addicted to watching A Baby Story or the soaps. Whatever the case you are living under a magnifying glass whether you want to admit it or not. Their family and friends pop by to meet you...and lets face it, as nice that is you have to be 'on' all the time.

You, as a surrogate, will also notice things...how your IP's interact with each other, how they baby their dog, the fact that their home is decorated in white and chrome and the baby proofing has NOT been done. (Are these people ready to be parents?)

This constant critical assessment can cause nothing but stress. You need your own place. If you must travel for the birth for instance, see if you can stay in a micro-hotel near by that might offer a kitchenette and a sofa. (Perhaps your own family can visit you if you have your own space.) Make sure that you can arrange some down time where you get plenty of rest. You can enjoy your time together but you will appreciate your time apart!




Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Umbilical Cord Blood: Keep, Donate, or Toss?

Listed below are some links to various umbilical cord blood sites and educational information. I personally didn't have this choice when my own children were born in 1986 and 1996 however, in 2000, my IP's decided to bank the cord blood of their newborn twins...and in 2005, my 2nd couple decided NOT to bank the blood of their newborns...so you can see it is a very personal decision that needs to be made individually. I read on one of these sites that the odds are that the average baby will ever use his or her own banked cord blood is considered very low. The primary reason that parents consider banking their newborn's cord blood is because they have a child or close relative with or a family medical history of diseases that can be treated with bone marrow transplants. On the other hand public cord blood banking is strongly supported. Its up to you to research the facts well before the birth because it's a procedure you have to choose and plan for beforehand as it is not routine in hospitals or home births.

Cord Blood Stem Cell Banking - FAQs About Cord Blood, Stem Cells, and Cord Blood Banking
Parent's Guide to Cord Blood Banks
Cord Blood Donation: Frequently Asked Questions
Cord Blood Banking, Umbilical Cord Bank, Baby Cord Blood, Research - Viacord
National Cord Blood Program
Banking Your Newborn's Cord Blood

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Narrowing your Choices: Surrogates Being too Picky

If you have been following along you may have read what I wrote to the IP's....and you know, it goes the same for a surrogate. How can a surrogate be 'too picky" when SHE is the one doing the favor? When she is the one helping a couple make a family? Now let's be honest, one surrogate to another, we have our reasons for being surrogates AND our biological clocks can run out and we don't like the feeling of being in limbo forever!(Our families don't like it either! And so on and so forth) Sure you have your hopes for the type of people you finally are matched with but it can take a lot longer if you don't have a realistic view of just who is out there looking for YOU, Suzy Surrogate. You have your beliefs and I am saying stick to those...if you don't believe in selective reduction and abortion by all means do not compromise yourself. However, if you are thinking that you only want to help a 'childless' couple, I ask you to rethink that notion. Isn't providing a sibling for that only child just as important as helping someone that has no children. I know some women that wouldn't even talk to a couple if step children were involved or adopted children...that choice leaves out a whole category of IP's who want their own baby. What about location. Yes, I know that you too are looking for someone close and who will be there every step of the way...but know that you may have to wait all the longer because you hate the idea that the IP's are over 200 miles away. Perhaps you need to think of what is really important to you in this surrogacy relationship...and by all means if location and looking for a childless couple is that important then don't be disappointed that you need to wait longer then someone who says "I am open to anyone who needs my help" and then when you meet them you can decided if the chemistry is there and all of the other things you might be looking for are in place. And you might be surprised and have the best relationship with IP's that you might otherwise have passed by.

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net