Get Ready For The Surrogacy Lawyer Radio Program Presents “Talking about Surrogacy to the Children of Surrogates”

On October 21, The Surrogacy Lawyer Radio will interview Sharon LaMothe, author of “Surrogacy Helps a Family Grow,” and Tracy Armato, Conceptual Options Program Director

When a woman decides to become a surrogate mother, she will have many conversations: with members of the surrogacy agency team, the intended parents, the medical and legal professionals involved in her care and with her spouse or partner and other adult relatives and friends, to name a few. But one of the most important conversations she will have is with her children, so she can explain the surrogacy process to them.

On the Thursday, October 21 episode of The Surrogacy Lawyer: Your Guide to IVF and Third Party Reproduction, Theresa Erickson, Esq., will be discussing how surrogate mothers should talk to their children about their pregnancies for another family. Ms. Erickson will interview Sharon LaMothe, a former gestational surrogate and author of the upcoming book Surrogacy Helps a Family Grow, and Tracy Armato, program director of Conceptual Options, The Surrogacy and Egg Donation Center and past surrogate. This episode will air on at 11AM PST/2PM EST on Voice America.

Sharon LaMothe is currently the owner of Infertility Answers, Inc., and the creator of two blogs about third party reproduction. She also owns LaMothe Services, LLC, an assisted reproductive technology business solutions service. Tracy Armato is responsible for overseeing the daily operations of Conceptual Options. Having been a gestational surrogate, Tracy has viewed third party reproduction from both angles and is a key support figure for surrogates.

“As a surrogacy lawyer and owner of a surrogacy and egg donation agency, I am excited about this new tool to help surrogate mothers talk to their children about the amazing gift they are giving another set of parents,“ says attorney Erickson. “Having open and honest conversations about third party reproduction is essential, whether you are a surrogate or egg, sperm or embryo donor. I look forward to advancing the conversation about this important topic.”

About Theresa Erickson, Esq.

Ms. Erickson is the managing partner of Erickson Law and the founder and chair of Conceptual Options, The Surrogacy and Egg Donation Center. In addition, Ms. Erickson is the author of the newly released Surrogacy and Embryo, Sperm, & Egg Donation: What Were You Thinking? Erickson was motivated to write her second book so she could educate potential intended parents, as well as the women who become surrogates and egg donors, about what all parties need to know if they are going to become involved in third party reproduction.

Attorney Erickson is a globally recognized expert in this specialized area of law and is a board member of the American Fertility Association and the legal director of Parents Via Egg Donation. For more information, please visit www.ericksonlaw.net and www.conceptualoptions.com.

Surrogacy or Conspiracy? The Lamitina Story by Gwyn and Tom Lamitina: A LaMothe Book Review

With a title like Surrogacy or Conspiracy? I couldn't pass up the chance to review this true story of a Traditional Surrogacy gone wrong. Its a huge what-not-to-do book by intended parents, Tom and Gwyn Lamitina, who wrote and published it even before they had the outcome that should have been theirs. (Watch for the sequel)

Lulled into a false sense of security by their first successful Traditional Surrogacy and while enjoying their life with their new son, Tom and Gwyn decide to add to their family using the same formula. They answer classified ads on Surrogate Mothers Online (SMO)to 'meet' a young woman with children of her own who would be willing to be their traditional surrogate mother.The perfect one came along and she even claimed to be an experienced gestational surrogate and egg donor! Tom and Gwyn state that they did the best background check that they could 'on their own', I read nothing of a psychological evaluation or a medical exam of this surrogate from an infertility clinic. (My own personal red flags) Because they never used an agency or an attorney with their first surrogacy they decided that downloading an 'Internet' contract and allowing their new surrogate fill in all the blanks would be good enough for them. (another red flag) Before the contract is signed by both parties, and in order to take advantage of their surrogates next cycle, they decide to participate in at home inseminations to boot! (This is the yet another red flag and I decided to stop counting here.)

Needless to say everything that could go wrong did. I started out by stating that the Lamitima's were lulled into a false sense of security with their first traditional surrogacy. These very same issues could have gone wrong at any point during their first experience but because they met a woman who had a moral compass and didn't want anything more then to give them a baby to love, the contract was never challenged unlike this second situation. Because the Lamitina's didn't want to spend the money on a reproductive attorney, clinic, or psychologist they ended up spending thousands more fighting for their baby daughter in the Florida court systems. There are checks and balances in place within the reproductive community and if you decide to skip the agency and go to the classifieds or even use a family member or friend there is a protocol to follow and Tom and Gwyn paid the price for not knowing or investigating the 'right' way to proceed after they chose the woman they wanted to work with.

The woman (traditional surrogate) portrayed here in this book would never have made it past an experienced agency. In fact, the reason SHE didn't sign on with an agency, it seems, was because she had a devious plan. She would become pregnant with some desperate and unknowing intended parents' baby, never planning to give it up at the end and then sue for child support. A cold hearted calculated scam that would only work on people who were uneducated in the ways of the surrogacy world. She, apparently, did her homework!

I feel that this short yet intense book is worth reading for any intended parent tempted to go the 'independent' route. The lessons learned for the Lamitina's experiences could save others a lot of money and heartache. Unfortunately this book paints a bad picture of Traditional Surrogates and those that want to be matched independently however there are ways to protect yourselves without an agency to assist in the process. Research, hiring a surrogacy consultant, making sure that you use a contract drawn up by a lawyer who is well versed in reproductive law in your state, having everyone visit a psychologist and staying away from at home inseminations are just a few of the ways that can assure a successful out come. Surrogacy or Conspiracy? The Lamitina Story can be read in one sitting but will stay with you for a long time after the book is laid on the shelf.



Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/

Mistake Number Fourteen of the Top 14 Mistakes Not to Make for Traditional Surrogates and Gestational Carriers: Thinking That the Surrogacy Process will be Fast and Easy

Here we are, Finally! Number 14 is a mistake that all surrogates/carriers tend to make at one time or the other. (This should include Intended Parents.) The Surrogacy process is full of hoops to jump through and often takes well over a year to complete and that is if all goes well with the first IVF attempt. Read below for some of the most common misconceptions. Your thoughts and comments are always welcomed!

Mistake #14-Thinking that the surrogacy process will be fast and easy

This is one of the most common phrases that I hear day in and day out from women who would like to be surrogates or carriers.
" I get pregnant just by my husband looking at me"

" I just think about wanting a baby and the next thing I know, I'm pregnant"

"I have never had any morning sickness and am so happy being pregnant"

Needless to say there is SO much more involved to surrogacy that I can't fit it all into this one post. Here is a run down...you can hum it to the tune of Row Row Row Your Boat! (Just joking)

*You must find a match with like minded Intended Parents

*You have to pass all of the Intended Parents clinics' medical and mental health evalution requirements such as age, BMI, physical health, and be mentally and emotionally prepared (to name a few)

*You must have a legal contract in place

*IUI's must take place at a certain time in your cycle

*It may take several months of IUI before pregnancy (if you get pregnant at all)

*For IVF You must cycle with your Intended Mother or the Egg Donor

*You will have to take medications (shots, pills, suppositories)

*You will have to have an embryo transfer

*You may not get pregnant the first time

*You may have to go through 2 or 3 embryo transfers

*You may never get pregnant with this method, this RE or this clinic

*IF you do get pregnant you will be with your clinic 10-12 weeks

*You have the rest of your pregnancy to go through before you give birth to a baby or babies that will hopefully be close to term.

You see...its not an easy thing which is why YOU are needed...why YOU are special because WHO ELSE but YOU would go through all of THIS for someone else?

This is the end of the Top 14 Mistakes however if you have something to add I would love to hear from you. Please contact me at SurroMatchFL@aol.com or comment under the post!




Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Mistake Number Thirteen of the Top 14 Mistakes Not to Make for Traditional Surrogates and Gestational Carriers: Not Visiting a Psychologist if Relationship Problems Arise

Mistake 13-Not visiting a psychologist if relationship problems arise


Why you NEED to do this: Hopefully you and your Intended Parents have already had a visit with a Mental Health Professional. It is so important to establish a relationship with someone who can support you emotionally when you are going into a surrogacy arrangement especially when you are going Independent...with out the help of an agency.

In every relationship misunderstandings happen and problems arise. Some are small and annoying while others can be shocking and perhaps alarming. When this happens you need to have someone to talk to. A third party that can see the entire issue, not be emotionally involved themselves and give good solid advice. When there is a failure to communicate then problems can swiftly spiral out of control and the next thing you know you might be thinking these people aren't worthy of having a baby! That kind of thinking is one of many warning signs that prove you need to have someone step in and help assess the situation no matter what it may be.



Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Mistake Number Eleven of the Top 14 Mistakes Not to Make for Traditional Surrogates and Gestational Carriers: Staying with Intended Parents for more than a week in their own home

Three more 'mistakes' to go and I am sure I could have mentioned twenty! Read on and see if you agree with my assessment of number eleven!

Mistake #11-Staying with Intended Parents for more than a week in their own home

I know of several people who have stayed with their IPs in their home for a few days or even a week with no ill effects . I have heard of others who were 'stuck' there for three weeks or more and it did nothing good for the relationship.

A few days stay is nice especially if you need to rest after a transfer or you are down to their place for a short visit or maybe an ultrasound, however, once you stay longer you may notice little things that can be irritating like being waited on hand and foot....or not! People (IP's) scrutinizing what you eat or drink, sleeping habits, how long you are on the computer, the fact that you don't exercise or over exercise, that you are addicted to watching A Baby Story or the soaps. Whatever the case you are living under a magnifying glass whether you want to admit it or not. Their family and friends pop by to meet you...and lets face it, as nice that is you have to be 'on' all the time.

You, as a surrogate, will also notice things...how your IP's interact with each other, how they baby their dog, the fact that their home is decorated in white and chrome and the baby proofing has NOT been done. (Are these people ready to be parents?)

This constant critical assessment can cause nothing but stress. You need your own place. If you must travel for the birth for instance, see if you can stay in a micro-hotel near by that might offer a kitchenette and a sofa. (Perhaps your own family can visit you if you have your own space.) Make sure that you can arrange some down time where you get plenty of rest. You can enjoy your time together but you will appreciate your time apart!




Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Number Ten of the Top 14 Mistakes to Avoid by Surrogates and Carriers: Cutting out benefits such as lost wages, maternity clothing allowance, C-section reimbursements and child care

Mistake #10-Cutting out benefits such as lost wages, maternity clothing allowance, c-section reimbursements and child care, etc. (because you don't think you will ever need them)


Why you should insist on these reimbursements and 'benefits': There is a lesson to be learned here. I learned it the hard way and so have others. Why make the same mistake yourself? During my first surrogacy I made the mistake of leaving out coverage in case of a C-section. I had never had one before and didn't plan on needing one for a surrogacy. I ended up pregnant with twins and having an emergency C-section and although my IP's took very good care of me I was not financially compensated for the extra time it took for me to recover.

Perhaps you just had a baby of your own within the last couple of years and still have your maternity clothing. You may think you don't need anything else and therefore waive the allowance in order to save your IP's money. Admirable of you, however, I can guarantee that you didn't save your bras and underwear...or that you can't guess if you will be pregnant during the same seasons you were with your own baby. Perhaps you work outside the home now and need work clothes or you may be pregnant during the holidays. Keep all of these things in mind when you are thinking about what most pregnant women need during the pregnancy and why. Don't leave out the possibility that you could be pregnant with twins and may not fit after 5 months into your 'old' maternity clothes!

As for child care and other reimbursements...put them in your contract. Even if you don't need them they will be available in the off chance that something happens where you might be on bed rest for 10 weeks and need some housekeeping or lost wages. Never assume that a surrogacy is going to be easy and trouble free....plan for every possibility!
 
 
Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Number Eight of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Agreeing to do at home inseminations (IUI)

Here we are at mistake number eight which only applies to Traditional Surrogates. I want to point out that IUI (Intrauterine Inseminations) are not that costly and doing these at 'home' really isn't worth the risk!

Mistake Number Eight: Agreeing to do at home inseminations (IUI)

Why you should insist doing Intrauterine Inseminations at a medical facility: One of the first concerns I have when I hear that a Traditional Surrogate is planning on doing IUI without a Dr's guidance is the possibility of STD's or HIV. Some of the other questions pop into my head regarding a situation like this are: Is there a contract in place? Are medications being taken? Was a psychological screening done? In other words, what 'short cuts' have been taken? Having a medical doctor involved can also make this part of a surrogacy so much more successful. A surrogate can be monitored and, under the clinic's care, the right time in a cycle would be chosen to proceed with the IUI. Medications may be prescribed to allow for more follicles to mature.

There is also the emotional and mental aspect of being a Traditional Surrogate and being treated by a Dr. rather then the Intended Parents themselves. It helps with the separation to go through the clinical steps.

Don't try and save your IP's a few dollars while putting yourself at risk. Make sure that you have every i dotted and your t's crossed before you agree to ANY medical procedure.



Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Number Seven of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Not insisting that the IP's have at least one visit with a psychologist

We are at the halfway point of 14 Mistakes to Avoid For Women Considering Becoming Surrogate Mothers or Gestational Carriers! Thank you for all of your comments. I love receiving your personal messages as well as those on Facebook and elsewhere...I will try to touch on all of the concerns as we go though these 'mistakes'! Here is #7! 

Mistake #7-Not insisting that the IP's have at least one visit with a psychologist who is recommended by the clinic


Why you should insist: As most of us are aware, surrogates, carriers and egg donors are psychologically screened as a standard of practice here in the United States. But less often do you hear of Intended Parents being required to seek out a mental health professional before they proceed with their third party family building plans. (They will have to in WA state when the new surrogacy laws pass though!) This is a disservice to the Intended Parents as well as their surrogate, you.


In my utopia world, all parties, the surrogate/carrier, her partner and the Intended Parents would all have at least one session together lead by a mental health professional well versed in reproductive technology, surrogacy and the loss of fertility. Everyone would be open and honest about their feelings and intentions and even the hardest issues would be explored. All within the 55 minute time frame.


As that is unlikely to happen, at least not in most cases, I believe that Intended Parents should seek out a psychologist or mental health professional (one that perhaps their clinic could recommend) and make an appointment. This is one more step that will be sure to bring you, as the surrogate, and your IP's closer. One more building block to a happy relationship as you explore this journey called Surrogacy. Intended Parents can really open up and talk about their fears, concerns and issues knowing that this councilor is trained to guide them through their questions and offer answers and support. Just as a surrogate must, Intended Parents need to be really sure that this is the route they want to take in building their family. They can also be reassured that they are on the same page as their partner and if there are issues that need more time, then the signing of contracts can wait until they are totally sure. Much better finding out at this point then after a successful transfer, don't you think?

Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

14 Mistakes to Avoid For Women Considering Becoming Surrogate Mothers or Gestational Carriers

If you are a woman who wants to be a gestational carrier or traditional surrogate independently, without the help of an agency, then you need to really consider what you are getting yourself into. Surrogacy is a life changing endeavour and as great as it sounds in theory, in practice it's a huge undertaking. Financially, the surrogacy process sets back most Intended Parents anywhere from $65,000-$100,000+ and that amount does not come with a guarantee of a take home baby. Looking into 'independent' surrogacy situations is most common among those who are finding it difficult to raise the full amount of funds needed and therefore will consider cutting corners. Women who are compelled to help couples and individuals sometimes find themselves compromising themselves out of the goodness of their hearts. Below are 14 common mistakes to avoid. Its so important to be true to own ideals...that is one of the best gifts you can give to your Intended Parent(s) and to yourself!


14 Mistakes to Avoid For Women Considering Becoming Surrogate Mothers or Gestational Carriers

1-Giving out personal information, especially before a contract is signed, such as social security numbers and release of medical information to anyone but the attorney, psychologist or clinic.


2-Not having a face to face meeting before any contracts are signed


3-Using an 'old' or past contract
4-Not having your own legal representation when reviewing your surrogacy contract


5-Being 'talked into' agreeing to issues that are fundamentally against your personal ethics/religion or life style i.e. abortion, selective reduction, working with IP's that you don't feel comfortable with, etc.


6-Not insisting that all compensation per the contract be deposited into an escrow account before the first transfer
7-Not insisting that the IP's have at least one visit with a psychologist who is recommended by the clinic
8-Agreeing to at home inseminations (IUI)


9-Going without term Life Insurance of at least $250,000 (or any insurance policy for that matter).


10-Cutting out benefits such as lost wages, maternity clothing allowance, c-section reimbursements and child care, etc. because you don't think you will ever need them
11-Staying with Intended Parents for more than a week in their own home


12- Thinking that it's OK to use federal or state funded medical insurance for a surrogate pregnancy


13-Not visiting a psychologist if relationship problems arise

14-Thinking that the surrogacy process will be fast and easy

Remember to subscribe to The Third Party so that you won't miss any of the posts that answer the question WHY should we avoid these surrogacy issues....you may be suprised!

Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

6 common tips you can use to facilitate the Surrogacy process with your clinic.

Below are 6 common tips you can use to facilitate the Surrogacy process with your clinic.



1. Your clinic will need to have the contract signature page at the very least (they may require the entire contract) on file or an affidavit from the contractual attorney, indicating that the contract is complete and has been signed by all parties.

2. The medical information forms need to have been signed by all parties and given to your clinic for their files.

3. The Surrogate Mother/Carrier is the patient. Information on medication, transfer, and follow up must be conveyed to her through the clinic and not the Intended Parents although they should be informed as well.

4. The Intended Parents need to make sure that they have a credit card on file with the clinic for all medication and procedures that involve the Surrogate Mother/Carrier and/or Egg Donor.

5. The Surrogate Mother/Carrier or Egg Donor should not receive ANY BILLS. She is not responsible for any payment of bills and this is usually stated in the contract between the Intended Parents and Surrogate/Egg Donor.

6. IVF costs should not be attempted to be billed through the Surrogate Mother/Carrier's insurance. (Blood tests, pap smears, OB appointments etc. are usually ok.) Remember the Surrogate Mother/Carrier is not the infertile woman and billing her for IVF costs can cost her the insurance policy and possibly pose insurance fraud accusations. Medicaid should not be used under any circumstance.



Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.
http://infertilityanswers.org/
LaMothe Services, LLC
http://lamotheservices.com/
*Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

The Traditional Surrogacy and In-home Inseminations: Should it be done?

So here I am looking through my 'google alerts' that I receive once or twice daily and I find an article written by a 2x surrogate on how to cut the costs of surrogacy. Some of the information was common knowledge and innocuous but the advice regarding Traditional Surrogacy really threw a red flag out onto MY field! The article stated:



"Some traditional surrogates will do home inseminations, eliminating the need for a clinic altogether. This can save the intended parents tens of thousands of dollars."



It is correct that intrauterine inseminations (IUI) are less expensive then In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) however it NEVER should be recommended that these inseminations be preformed at home! ( or in a hotel room!) All parties involved should be medically evaluated and tested. There are no guarantees that the sperm quality or count is adequate for an IUI procedure and should be first tested by a doctor. STD's and HIV should also be tested for or else the surrogate is risking her own health. Before ANY IVF or IUI's are even considered, a proper legal contract needs to be drawn up between all parties.



The very real fear here is not only for the health of the woman wanting to be a surrogate but making sure that the proper surrogacy 'protocol' is followed. What does that mean exactly? If you are going 'Independent' there is still a certain order that should be followed. An example might look like this: (For an Independent Traditional Surrogacy Arrangement)



1) Intended Parents tested and Infertility Confirmed

2) Intended Father Sperm tested for quality and STD's, HIV and sperm is frozen for future use (some Reproductive Endocrinologists ( RE's) require quarantine of sperm for up to 6 months)

3) Find and Meet the surrogate

(Make sure she meets all the requirements for a Traditional Surrogate)

4) Surrogate is medically AND psychologically tested

5) Contracts negotiated and signed BEFORE any medications are started

(Yes, Some Traditional Surrogates (TS) are given medications)

6)During steps 4 and 5 a RE or Dr. office that specializes in Intrauterine Inseminations (IUI) is located ( This could be the same office used in step ONE, however, at times the surrogate maybe located hours or even states away so a new RE needs to be located for convenience)

7) Following RE's orders the IUI's are done during the TS's cycle in the RE's clinic....



I truly hope that in home inseminations are a thing of the past but somehow I doubt it and whatever money that maybe saved in the front end of this arrangement might not be worth the trade off, health risk or court battle.



Sharon LaMothe

www.InfertilityAnswers.net