When Surrogates are Used for Mega Profit~Protecting Yourself from a "Next Time" Crime

In light of what has happened with the Theresa Erickson case and the alleged "baby selling ring" I feel compelled to write something. Yes it was all very shocking and others have written long and eloquent blog posts. You can read two of them here; first from The Stirrup Queen and then take a look at the Fertility Advocate. You can see from the comments that this is a super hot topic.

But what I want to focus on here, in my post, are the surrogates. I was a surrogate twice. How would I feel if I had inadvertently fallen for a scheme like this? Sick, worried, tainted, used....the list goes on. Then I might start questioning all of my instincts and wonder how my gift of helping intended parents ended up in a scam that allowed other people to make huge amounts of money...by selling the baby 'I' carried! A real felony where lawyers (and others) lose their licenses to practice and face time in prison.

How can we trust those out there matching women who want to be surrogates with Intended Parents now? Just between you and me...here are my thoughts from the heart.

First of all this crime is not the norm! It's like an airplane crash that hits the news and shocks the nation....this story is everywhere we turn but the reality is that this kind of plot is so rare that of course it will seem larger then life. The majority of professionals within the Third Party Family Building arena are honest, trustworthy, dedicated and ethical. I have been in this field for over a decade and have worked with a lot of attorneys, agency's, clinics and mental health professionals and never have I heard of a scheme like this happening in the USA.

Second, when you are looking to become a surrogate know the facts about the process. Don't rush in blindly! If you know what the average fee is then your radar will certainly go up once you hear of something that sounds too good to be true!
                                                     
- $38,000 to $45,000 base fee is too high for a first time surrogate. It would be unusual for a 2nd time surrogate as well.

-Not meeting your IP's before your transfer is very unusual. Or, in the case of international/out of state couples there are often phone calls and e-mails. A bond is formed that way and soon after the transfer you should expect to meet them in person. If you are uncomfortable then insist on a meeting before the transfer!

-Traveling to another country to become pregnant is not usually expected. If the embryos are not FDA approved (due to testing before freezing) then IP's will have to start over here with egg retrieval's and required testing.

-Asking a surrogate to stay out of the country until the second trimester is certainly a crazy notion especially when surrogates have their own families to take care of here at home.

-Not having a psychological evaluation is unheard of and should be insisted upon.

These are just a few of the red flags that the surrogates in this case should have been aware of. And I believe, in some cases, were ignored.

My final point is that we need to educate ourselves on the tried and true surrogacy guidelines and not sweep crimes like this 'Surrogacy Scandal'  under the rug but rather learn from it. We can ask educated questions of those we chose to work with, and continue to trust in our own judgment. Surrogacy is a beautiful gift. Lets not allow it to be tainted by a few bad apples.




Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.
http://infertilityanswers.org/
LaMothe Services, LLC
http://lamotheservices.com/
LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting
http://lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com/

Co-Pay Babies and Other Phrases

I am one of the millions guilty of giving birth to a Co-Pay baby...actually I had two! The real phrase-ology here is Co-Payment Cost Baby but I like mine shortened and sweet. If you haven't heard this before it basically means that the only money that your kid(s) cost you was the co-payment (from conception to birth) I had 2 of my own on this plan and let me tell you it IS cheaper and easier then IVF or any ART treatment. Duh! For my son and first born the only reason we shelled out any money at all was because 22 years ago 'they' considered circumcision to be a form of cosmetic surgery! (I am glad my son doesn't read this because I think I just told the world that he was circumcised!) 'They' are the Insurance Company. And we paid the hospital $100.00. The End!

I also gave birth to four, let me get this right, Beta Babies: children conceived through fertility treatment. In other words, their parents (and surrogates) know their first and second beta numbers....and sometimes third! Maybe some of us become surrogates because we feel guilty for the ability to have the Co-Pay Babies and we search high and low through the "land of infertility" for a person or couple who will allow us to help them and make all their "secret hope stories" come true. I am getting all of my words here from Glossary of All of My Made-up Words http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/ in case you don't have enough of your own. But I am telling you that there is a lot to be said for the cost of giving birth to a dream...(my phrase)!

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Who Shot my Stork?

This is an actual title of a blog and I am amazed that the creativity of other bloggers out there in Cyberville. I am kind of embarrassed that I could only come up with Surrogacy 101! But...it's simple and you don't have to guess what the topic is. ( I am trying to console myself here!)

I have been spending some of my online time reading other peoples blogs...Intended Parents mostly...and although I have talked with, e-mailed, IM'ed, and met many IP's, reading their blogs are so much more intimate for lack of a better description. Inner thoughts...fears...challenges and assumptions are all written about in a variety of different styles. Emotions that I only have experienced the fringes of through my journey of secondary infertility. (which might explain, to some, why I have a 9 1/2 year gap between my own children. Sometimes I am very flippant when people ask if I am on my 2nd marriage and I say No...we just like to grow our own babysitters) HA.

If you are interested in seeing what others are writing about I suggest that you visit Mel's site: The Stirrup Queen's Completely Anal List of Blogs That Proves That She Really Missed Her Calling as a Personal Organizer . You can find this link under my blogroll...which I just started. So if you would like to have your blog listed there as well, just send me the link!

Have a great day!
Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net