Mistake Number Eleven of the Top 14 Mistakes Not to Make for Traditional Surrogates and Gestational Carriers: Staying with Intended Parents for more than a week in their own home

Three more 'mistakes' to go and I am sure I could have mentioned twenty! Read on and see if you agree with my assessment of number eleven!

Mistake #11-Staying with Intended Parents for more than a week in their own home

I know of several people who have stayed with their IPs in their home for a few days or even a week with no ill effects . I have heard of others who were 'stuck' there for three weeks or more and it did nothing good for the relationship.

A few days stay is nice especially if you need to rest after a transfer or you are down to their place for a short visit or maybe an ultrasound, however, once you stay longer you may notice little things that can be irritating like being waited on hand and foot....or not! People (IP's) scrutinizing what you eat or drink, sleeping habits, how long you are on the computer, the fact that you don't exercise or over exercise, that you are addicted to watching A Baby Story or the soaps. Whatever the case you are living under a magnifying glass whether you want to admit it or not. Their family and friends pop by to meet you...and lets face it, as nice that is you have to be 'on' all the time.

You, as a surrogate, will also notice things...how your IP's interact with each other, how they baby their dog, the fact that their home is decorated in white and chrome and the baby proofing has NOT been done. (Are these people ready to be parents?)

This constant critical assessment can cause nothing but stress. You need your own place. If you must travel for the birth for instance, see if you can stay in a micro-hotel near by that might offer a kitchenette and a sofa. (Perhaps your own family can visit you if you have your own space.) Make sure that you can arrange some down time where you get plenty of rest. You can enjoy your time together but you will appreciate your time apart!




Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

World Cinema in the Sand

World Cinema in the Sand

Why I'm So Special, A Book About Surrogacy by Carla Lewis-Long: A LaMothe Book Review

If you are looking for a simplistic way to explain to your toddler about his or her birth from surrogacy, then Why I'm So Special, A Book About Surrogacy by Carla Lewis-Long is a great place to start. Approximately 40 pages long, Why I'm So Special focuses on a Mom and Dad who wanted a baby and after much trying they head for a doctor who tells them about surrogacy. Once the Mom and Dad meet their surrogate, Bonnie, the baby 'is put into Bonnie's tummy' and it starts to grow. With simple language and great illustrations, any toddler will come away with the feeling that he or she was already planned and Mom and Dad were able to make their dream come true by finding someone to help them. (In this case a Gestational Carrier)

Number Ten of the Top 14 Mistakes to Avoid by Surrogates and Carriers: Cutting out benefits such as lost wages, maternity clothing allowance, C-section reimbursements and child care

Mistake #10-Cutting out benefits such as lost wages, maternity clothing allowance, c-section reimbursements and child care, etc. (because you don't think you will ever need them)


Why you should insist on these reimbursements and 'benefits': There is a lesson to be learned here. I learned it the hard way and so have others. Why make the same mistake yourself? During my first surrogacy I made the mistake of leaving out coverage in case of a C-section. I had never had one before and didn't plan on needing one for a surrogacy. I ended up pregnant with twins and having an emergency C-section and although my IP's took very good care of me I was not financially compensated for the extra time it took for me to recover.

Perhaps you just had a baby of your own within the last couple of years and still have your maternity clothing. You may think you don't need anything else and therefore waive the allowance in order to save your IP's money. Admirable of you, however, I can guarantee that you didn't save your bras and underwear...or that you can't guess if you will be pregnant during the same seasons you were with your own baby. Perhaps you work outside the home now and need work clothes or you may be pregnant during the holidays. Keep all of these things in mind when you are thinking about what most pregnant women need during the pregnancy and why. Don't leave out the possibility that you could be pregnant with twins and may not fit after 5 months into your 'old' maternity clothes!

As for child care and other reimbursements...put them in your contract. Even if you don't need them they will be available in the off chance that something happens where you might be on bed rest for 10 weeks and need some housekeeping or lost wages. Never assume that a surrogacy is going to be easy and trouble free....plan for every possibility!
 
 
Sharon LaMothe Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com/ *Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.

Nice creativity by Steve Bronstein