Narrowing your Surrogacy choices: Being too Picky

I recently talked with an IP and we were discussing some of the requirements of their mystery surrogate. One of the first things mentioned was that they, the IP's, wanted the woman to be close to where they were located so that they could be involved with the pregnancy and birth. That common request is understandable but impractical. When some IP's are losing control of everything in their reproductive life they try, by default, to make the surrogacy experience as close to the real thing as possible. In a perfect world the IP's surrogate would LIVE WITH THEM. The IM would cook and serve the nutritious meals to her. There wouldn't be a ghost of cigarette smoke or a car fume near their pregnant surrogate. She wouldn't have an ounce of stress and all her appointments would be chauffeured and attended by both the IP's. (I didn't say THIS was the Surrogates perfect world....) Reality is that IP's narrow their choices dramatically by looking for a surrogate in their home town. Yes, some can get lucky, but most should be more reasonable. If you have all the time in the world you might be able to wait and see what your agency will come up with in fulfilling that IP wish list. Knowing very well that not only is the request for location listed but also a woman willing to have a selective reduction. has her own health insurance, white (or black, or Hispanic or...), be experienced and have a BMI lower then 24, etc. Narrowing the choices and therefore expanding the time frame.

I encourage IP's to open the field! Say a woman in any surrogacy friendly state...CA, TX, FL, IL. If the IP's have relatives or friends in any of these states that may help with travel expense. Perhaps she will be willing to fly to your state for the birth...there are ways to communicate and be a part of the pregnancy experience when you are flexible and open minded. The important thing is to find someone you trust to carry your baby for you. Someone who fits all those other requirements both you, the IP, and the clinic has for this woman. Believe me, you will be matched faster and pregnant sooner if you put location last on your list.

Sharon
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