Are these Intended Parents for Real?! Shopping on the Internet.
While being an agency owner I have had the pleasure of talking with many surrogates who were "independent". They were not associated with any agency and had classified ads up for their own personal surrogacy services. However, I was also an Independent Surrogate...both times! I was on the message boards and operated my own list serv where we would all e-mail each other and discuss various situations that we would encounter all the while remaining 'independent'.
Intended Parents are also out there in cyber space going "independent". They read through the ads and choose the ones that most fit what they have in mind for a surrogate mother. They may, at first, just focus on location and then from there the base fee that is being asked...they may proceed from there to what their clinic expects health wise and so on and so forth. (BMI, healthy pregnancies, STD free, non-smoking etc.)
So what seems to be the most frustrating issue that surrogates come a crossed being an independent agent? Intended Parents who are 'shopping". This is something that doesn't happen often with an agency. With an agency the IP comes in and gives them the list of what they are looking for including price range (because Money IS involved) and the agency "matches" the IP's with a SM that closely resembles what is on their list. Now if the IP's say nooooo she has to be this as well or agree to that then the agency will go back and re-evaluate who they have available and then bring that profile to the IP's...and so it goes. Usually once one profile has been rejected that person is no longer available to the same IP's.
Internet surrogate shopping can be an entirely different ball game! Intended Parents can be talking to 4 or 5 different women at the same time. Evaluating each one, seeing if they can change the fee structure and perhaps asking them to jump through hoops before a contract is even on the table. I have heard the exclamation "Are these IP's FOR REAL?!?!" so many times it's not even funny....and then I became exasperated when the potential surrogate would go ahead and actually jump through that hoop! Some examples: Lower the fee from $18,000 to $10,000, have the Hystersonongram done and charged under her insurance, travel for a first meeting without compensation for time or travel, show her medical records directly to the IP's without benefit of having a "real" RE look at it, agree to selective reduction and abortion even though its against her religious beliefs, agree to drop various benefits from her compensation package and so on. And WHY would these perfectly sane women do this for these IP's? (the ones that she thinks is only talking/chatting/e-mailing her?) For one of the many reasons they want to be surrogates in the first place, they have BIG HEARTS and they want to save their prospective IP's money and heartache. What this really is, is a recipe for resentment in the months to come. This blog topic may sound great to IP's who are just looking for an "oven" but for women who want to feel appreciated from the start, please take it as a warning. You CAN be independent and on your on in every way. You can pick and choose your IP's, however, you need to know the value of sticking to what you believe you are worth...to your personal beliefs, and, most of all, knowing that the IP's who you choose to work with will appreciate you and respect you for standing up for yourself and not to mention your very own self respect.
Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net
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