Advice for Husbands in Supporting Your Wife’s Decision to be a Surrogate Mother

“You Want to be a What?”

So, dear husband, your wife just said that she was thinking about helping another couple with achieving their family dreams, and you casually turned slightly toward her, while your eyes were still fixed on the college game, and you said “that’s nice honey”. Then she used the s-word, surrogate, and you choked on your adult beverage. Unprepared, you spat out “you want to be a what!?” She quickly threw comforting phrases at you like “it’s only 9 months” and “my body will recover” and “our kids will understand”, intending to make you feel better, and you realized this would test your relationship. What will you say next?

Let me assure you that I know how you feel in your situation, having faced it twice myself. In case you’re curious, the second time was even harder! Luckily, I have genetics that actually allow my gray matter to churn some thought before my mouth opens and so, I let her talk it out before I responded. It was actually pretty easy once I took a deep breath, or maybe several, and just started with an internal dialogue of “ok, big strong husband, what does she need from you right now?”

The obvious answer was patience and support. Has she supported your move away from all her family and friends for a new career? Did she manage the home for 16 hours a day while you went back to school to get that degree? Here’s your chance to be a good man and support her on something that is really important to her, and very important to another family. And have backbone in front of her parents, and when telling your parents, and with any well-intentioned friends that point out all the things that could go wrong. Why am I giving you this advice? You may ask. Because, if you choose to support her, your relationship with grow stronger, your marriage will last, and a new family may be created from her gift.

Joe LaMothe
(Surrogate Husband and Supporter)

What not to say to your wife when she is pregnant....with another couple's baby...

**When your wife, who is a surrogate mother,is praying to the porcelain god at 3 months pregnant you DON'T say..." You volunteered for this!"

Instead you could get her a glass of water, a wash clothe and a hug and say how lucky you are to have a woman so willing to give this much of herself to others.....

**When your wife is huge and uncomfortable from carrying twins you DON'T say...."Remember, You are getting paid for this!!"

Instead acknowledge how fortunate those babies are to have her carry them with such love, care and sacrifice. (A foot rub will help as well!) Adding the reminder that after the babies are born, she can sleep through the night!

**When your wife is denying you the intimate part of your marital relationship (for what seems like months) you DON'T say..." Look what YOU ARE doing to ME!!"

Instead know that you can still be close and realize that this time of her pregnancy will go fast and she will appreciate you all the more for your understanding and support!

**When your wife is about to give birth and wants YOU by her side you DON'T say.."Why, they aren't my babies!!"

Instead understand that this is YOUR WIFE, YOUR Woman and that she needs you no matter whose babies she carries. You are a huge part of this surrogacy and why not share in the end result, seeing the Intended Parents dearest dreams come true!

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net