Nadya Suleman Has Regrets...Really?!

Well...FINALLY it seems, a little too late, Nadya is having regrets! Needless to say I feel that she just needs to look forward and not be forced to look back on decisions that can not be un-made. Her children are here and each and every one needs love and affection and should not feel that by being born they have ruined anyone's life. They didn't ask to be here...but they are...and they are individuals and should be treated as such. Just my thoughts!


Sharon LaMothe
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Octomom: ‘I Screwed Up My Life. I Screwed Up My Kids’ Lives.’
By Robert Franklin, Esq. | Jun 7, 2009
Now she tells us. Six months after giving birth to octuplets to go along with her already existing six children, Nadya Suleman regrets the whole thing, according to this article (Huffington Post, 6/4/09). She also feels "so much guilt for" not informing the sperm donor of her decision to have more of his children. He apparently told her he didn't want her to have the remaining frozen embyos implanted, but she did it anyway.

So the piece of work also known as Nadya Suleman has now officially joined the vast horde of people, that includes her own mother, who think her decision to have eight additional children was wrong. What feminists like Patricia Williams at The Nation think about this recent development, I don't know. I suspect they won't change their view that any criticism of Suleman's choices constitutes, in Williams' words, "a perfect storm of eugenics."

One other thing. Many people have blamed the doctor or the fertility clinic for Suleman's octuplets. That's wrongheaded for one obvious reason. As I understand how fertility clinics operate, women undergoing IVF almost invariably have more than one fertilized egg implanted. That's because implantation is not successful in all cases, so it make sense to try several in the hopes that at least one will become viable. If more than one does, all but one can then be removed. Doctors and clinics explain that procedure beforehand for obvious reasons. Of course, I don't know if it was explained to Suleman, but it's a routine part of IVF, so I'd bet it was.

But once implantation has occurred and the embryos are developing, no one but the mother has any authority about how many are allowed to continue. In Suleman's, as in every case, the clinic and the doctor have no control over what transpires once implantation is accomplished. If Mom wants eight children, Mom gets eight children. Most moms don't, but this one did and there was not a thing the doctor could have done about it.

So let's all agree to stop pretending that anyone but Nadya Suleman is responsible for Nadya Suleman's choices.

The attitude of entitlement or just poor judgement? 'Tuplet Mom and the IVF Fiasco

I was going to stay far away from commenting on the new Mom of octuplets (BTW that word isn't even on my spell check!) But I feel compelled to weigh in. Nadya Suleman is now the mom of 14. She could, just as easily, been the mom of 7 or 8 if those 6 embryos hadn't split and each and every one hadn't grown into an individual baby. And now they are born and every single person who hears this story is appalled. With the exception of Nadya Suleman. Although she couldn't take care of the first 6 children without the help of food stamps and disability checks (coming in for three of the previous children) and apparently student loans, yet she somehow found the money for the medications and the IVF procedures that have catapulted her into the media's front line with a bang. Eight little bangs I should say.

Ok....what would have happened if Nadya Suleman's IVF procedure had only produced twins or even triplets? I don't think it would have been a blip on the reproductive radar. Certainly not competing for air time along with the new stimulus package and massive fires in Australia! Would anyone really have cared about the fact that this new mom couldn't take care of what she already had? I doubt it. I bet her RE wished that she didn't even darken his door! Perhaps he didn't think all of the embryos had a prayer quality wise. Or Perhaps he wanted to boost his stats. I don't have enough information to judge. But now he and his practice is also under scrutiny as he should be.

I take you back to a post I did, in November I believe, when I returned from the ASRM conference in San Francisco. I was in line to register and was talking to one RE while another Dr, was listening in. I mentioned that I had been a surrogate mother twice and gave birth to two sets of twins. The Dr, who was listening asked how many embryos were transferred and I told him 3 each time. He was instantly disgusted and any Dr, who would transfer 3 embryos as a time! The older RE then asked how old I was for each transfer and I told him at the time of transfer 36 for the first set of twins and 40 for the second....well that did clear the air a bit because there ARE guide lines regarding how many embryos should be transferred depending on the age of the woman. Obviously these ASRM (American Society of Reproductive Medicine) guidelines were not followed in the case of Nadya Suleman.

And because of that fact, we (and I say WE as in the tax payers) have 8 preemies hanging out in CA while the world debates how the US reproductive industry could have allowed THIS to happen! Well folks, we have no regulation. We have guidelines, we have associations and reproductive societies but we don't have the type of regulation that other countries have. Nor do I think that would be the answer. EDSPA, the Egg Donation and Surrogacy Professional Association, is one place where self regulation is being discussed. I believe the ASRM is also a place that has its members practicing self regulation as well as other groups out there. BUT no one can control what one RE is doing. Or Surrogacy/Egg Donation agency or Embryo Donation agency for that matter.

There is a cry out there that says why didn't someone send Nadya Suleman to a psychiatrist. Its common that a surrogate or egg donor have a psychological evaluation but not Intended Parents who are infertile. It doesn't make much sense to have each and every IP who enters a facility with the notion of adding to their family through IVF to be psychologically evaluated (although a few visits with a mental health professional would be a good idea), it still would be prudent for the clinic staff to compile some back ground and use their common sense when choosing who to work with. And if they are unsure then maybe call in a psychologist for a 2nd opinion.

Back to my topic...sorry for the trip around the world....nothing can be done regarding Nadya Suleman. Her babies are here. But maybe we can all learn a lesson about "proceeding with caution" and, as professionals, knowing when to say NO.